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 Post subject: What to wear to a visitation?
PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 10:40 pm 
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A neighbor of ours passed away suddenly and my wife and I are attending the visitation tomorrow. We will not be present for the memorial service.

I presumed a suit would be appropriate for the visitation. It's what I've always worn to funerals. But my wife says that would be too formal and over the top, since we won't attend the memorial. She suggested a conservative jacket / tie. I'm wondering if a blazer / tie would work.

What do you guys think? I want to be appropriately attired and respectful to the deceased and her husband.


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 Post subject: Re: What to wear to a visitation?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2016 12:41 am 
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I think a toned-down, conservative sport coat and tie would be best. Maybe flannels and a dark tweed jacket, white OCBD and a solid maroon or navy tie grenadine tie. A blazer could work, I think, but something about blazers (for me at least) is a bit casual. I'd just say keep it muted to dark an you'll be good.


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 Post subject: Re: What to wear to a visitation?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2016 8:42 am 
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I don't think it matters much as long as you keep it dark and quiet.

Last memorial service I attended people dressed as if they were going bowling after.


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 Post subject: Re: What to wear to a visitation?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2016 8:42 am 
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I agree with rmp.

Gray flannels, gray jacket with some contrast in shade & pattern, white shirt, black leather, solid navy tie.

Knowing you, gamma, there is no doubt you will be dressed appropriately. And knowing society today, there is no doubt that the appropriately dressed individual will be considered "overdressed."


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 Post subject: Re: What to wear to a visitation?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2016 8:48 am 
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Patrick wrote:
Last memorial service I attended people dressed as if they were going bowling after.
Sad but true; I see the same thing. But at least they do make the effort to wear their best sneakers.


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 Post subject: Re: What to wear to a visitation?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2016 9:45 am 
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Patrick wrote:

Last memorial service I attended people dressed as if they were going bowling after.
This is the reason my wife said a suit would be too much.

Thanks for the advice guys. I agree that a blazer would be too casual and not fit the occasion. Time to pull out the gray herringbone.


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 Post subject: Re: What to wear to a visitation?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2016 11:10 am 
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To be fair, the service also featured Buddhist chants, a group singing a selection from a light opera, and a folk singer. Plus well over half the people there were from New York City.

Also to be fair, I doubt that many of the crowd can even spell "bowling."


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 Post subject: Re: What to wear to a visitation?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2016 11:42 am 
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Actually, if I think about the last service I went to, from a clothing perspective, it was one of the more respectable ones I've attended recently.

It was in the Boston area, for the matriarch of a fine family, and there were a lot of people there. The men made a very nice showing, the large majority in suits. The most critical point one could have made would have been fit, i.e. puddle pants, and even that was very rare, and only with younger men. The gents middle-age and older were very well dressed.

A rare few of the younger women were the worst, in mini skirts and stripper heels! All the females in my immediate group thought they were utterly clueless.


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 Post subject: Re: What to wear to a visitation?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2016 6:12 pm 
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That's upsetting to hear that people present themselves like that at funeral of all places. I can understand when they don't care at a wedding or something similar but this is the one scenario where your'e really trying to show respect to the deceased individual and family. I feel like most people have lost the association of "dressing up" with showing respect and they believe "dressing up" is simply a selfish affair, a way to fluff your feathers, when in fact it's quite the opposite most of the time (especially at a funeral).

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 Post subject: Re: What to wear to a visitation?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 06, 2016 10:35 pm 
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LeeLo wrote:
That's upsetting to hear that people present themselves like that at funeral of all places. I can understand when they don't care at a wedding or something similar but this is the one scenario where your'e really trying to show respect to the deceased individual and family.
I think Ensiferous was referring to attire worn to visitations, specifically, but I've also seen poor dress at funerals.

Today's gathering was mostly a middle-aged and older crowd, so I didn't see atrocious attire for the most part. There were some cheap-looking black dual-vented suits that gave off a Jos A Bank/Mens Warehouse vibe (with the usual puddling at the shoe tops), but that's a step or two above denim/flannel. The women were respectfully attired.

To go back to the "clueless" women Ensiferous mentioned, I've also noticed a trend where younger women (early to mid-20s) put on what I call "slut wear" for events like funerals and even job interviews. I'm referring to really short skirts, skimpy tops, stripper heels--you get the picture. It's as if the only "dressy" clothing these women own are the things they'd wear to a bar or club. And they seem to think that's okay.

I guess it just shows that many young women need sartorial mentors just as badly as many young men.


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